ep.1 Romina
18 MAy, 2024
Before the Dinner・・・
To get inspiration for the menu and room decoration, I started listing keywords that came to mind when I thought of Romi.
And then I recalled my first meeting with Romi. With her cynical expression and slightly blunt way of speaking, I thought it would be hard to get close to her because she seemed so different from me.
However, as time passed and I got to know Romi better, I realised she was completely different from my first impression. Though she seemed to have a cool and indifferent attitude, she had a soft heart and warmly embraced those around her.
Focusing on this gap I discovered, the dish that came to mind was ‘Tteok-bokki.’ I felt that the fun contrast between the spicy, bold sauce and the soft, chewy texture of the rice cakes resembled her.
As I was thinking about what to pair with Tteok-bokki, I considered her love for all things cute and her interest in Japanese culture. Inspired by this, I thought it would be nice to incorporate some Japanese elements. That's how I came up with ‘Cherry blossom-shaped tempura’ and ‘Spam musubi’.
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eat & Drink・・・
Tteok-bokki
hot & spicy rice cakes
Cherry Blossom tempura & Yachae Twigim
deep fried vegetables
Spam musubi
Japanese rice balls with spam
Chasing rabbits organic grenache blanc 2021
Wellington, South Africa
・・・Talk
We began with a light conversation about how I chose the menu, and Romi soon asked who taught me to cook. This led us to talk about how we grew up.
Romi’s grandparents were from Italy but had settled in Argentina during her great-grandparents’ generation. She mentioned how Italians are very family-oriented, with a strong tradition of doing things together. I found it interesting that in her culture, it’s common for parents to support their children financially until they marry, making independence harder to achieve.
Romi was shocked when I told her that my parents sent me to Vienna as a middle schooler to experience the world and grow independently.
Romi asked many questions about my life before coming to London, delving into my childhood, my parents’ lives, and memories of my late grandmother. While recalling my grandmother’s dementia, we started discussing the nature of memory. Romi shared a story about her boyfriend Ollie’s grandmother, who, despite her dementia, never forgot her first meeting with Ollie’s grandfather. It reminded me of how my grandmother always remembered her firstborn son. We wondered how some memories are so powerful that even dementia can’t erase them—perhaps it’s the strength of love.
As we reflected on what our own unforgettable memories might be, our conversation naturally shifted to relationships and love.
Romi asked me a question that hit me deeper than I expected.
“Do you think there’s a part of yourself that doubts what you learned in Korea about relationships and love? Maybe you’re starting to see things differently, and those perspectives are conflicting because they’re so different?”
I paused, thinking it over. “Yeah,” I admitted.
“For example, the way I used to approach relationships was always about proving I was right. I wanted to win, to hold onto my pride. I was stingy with apologies and forgiveness. I’d plan everything too far ahead, thinking a relationship had to follow a certain mold. But while unlearning those habits, I’m also starting to learn how to build healthier connections. I’m figuring out how to be more open, more forgiving—of both myself and my partner—and how to just let things unfold without trying to control everything.”
Romi leaned in, her eyes warm with understanding.
“Sol, what if you saw relationships as something more free and open? Something where you don’t always know where it’s going—and that’s okay. It doesn’t make the relationship less important, or less reassuring. In fact, it’s more interesting because it’s not about saying ‘you and I have to be this way because that’s what’s expected of us.’”
She paused and added, “I feel like you’re starting to put yourself first with your decisions, which is huge. You’re listening to yourself—what you feel right now—not what your friends, your culture, or anyone else expects. You’re trusting that feeling.”
It was true. My past self clung to anger, holding onto the things that upset me. Present Sol, though, doesn’t feel the need to carry that weight. I’m realising that not everything needs to be a battle. But that’s where the clash happens—the old me versus the new, both pulling in different directions. And it’s confusing.
Romi could relate. She shared how she often feels that same tension, the push and pull between her past self and her current values during her own growth.
We both agreed that this confusion is part of what makes life so interesting. If everything were clear and simple, where would the room be for growth? The uncertainty, the messiness—it’s what keeps us thinking, evolving, and learning.
“Sol, there is no end, no complete comfort.
So we need to get comfortable with change.”
I joked to Romi that, age-wise and experience-wise, she’s definitely my "Unnie"—a Korean term used to refer to an older sister or an older female friend in a respectful, affectionate way.
She smiled and responded, “But you’re such a wise woman yourself, Sol.”
I shook my head, feeling a mix of humility and reflection.
"I don’t know if I’m any wiser but I do feel like I’m becoming more humble. I used to have this mindset of ‘I’m right,’ and because of that, I couldn’t allow myself to make mistakes. One day, a friend pointed out that I rarely say sorry and that I struggle to admit when I’m wrong. That really hit me. I realised that was a big weakness of mine. But now, I’m starting to embrace my imperfections. I laugh off my mistakes, and it feels like I’m finally learning to accept myself. I’m more open to learning than I ever was before.”
Romi looked thoughtful as she responded, “I think you’ve always been in a position where you make the right choices. You’re never really in the wrong, and because of that, you’ve never had to apologise in a serious way. You hold yourself to such a high standard that you don’t allow yourself to make mistakes."
She paused for a moment, then added, "You were always the perfect person to work with because you’re almost flawless. You do everything exactly the way it should be done, and it’s hard for you to forgive yourself when you don’t. I feel like there’s a part of you that wants to break free, make mistakes, and not ask for permission from yourself. It’s like you’re saying, ‘Just let me be!’”
Her words sank in, and I realised how true they were. Romi then asked me: "How can you be generous with others when you’re so strict with yourself?"
Her question caught me off guard, and I had to stop and think for a moment. "Honestly, it’s tough," I admitted. "I don’t mean to be like that, but I guess I end up holding other people to the same high standards I set for myself. And since those standards are so high, it’s hard for anyone to meet them."
Romi’s question lingered with me long after the conversation ended. It made me realise just how much I’ve been holding myself back—not just from making mistakes, but from truly being present and compassionate with myself. Learning to be gentle with my imperfections, I’m starting to let go of that need for control, for perfection. It’s liberating, in its own confusing way.
“Sol, it starts with you.
So do whatever you want and go make mistakes.
Care less what other people think!”
As our conversation flowed, we began talking about work and possible collaborations. Romi shared that through this event, she’s gained a better understanding of my interests and strengths, which made me feel seen in a way I hadn’t expected. She encouraged me to take on challenges without hesitation, something I’m now feeling more ready to do.
“Sol I feel like you’re asking for CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE! And you are ready for it”
after the dinner・・・
Mi amor ❤︎
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For this experience, I didn’t really know what to expect.
What I found was a very welcoming host that all she wanted and expected was for me to enjoy.
A very selfless experience full of love and care which is something very surprising for nowadays.
Sol is the perfect host for a perfect evening of beautifully crafted food with a touch of perfection and so much love and appreciation.
I love you and I look forward to all of what your future holds.
Romi
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Dear Romi,
The time I thought I would be the interviewer, it actually felt like I became the interviewee. You asked me a lot of questions.
This conversation felt like we were carefully examining the backgrounds we grew up in, the cultural elements, families and environments that shaped who we are today.
And having dinner with you felt like my own therapy session. You listened to my stories so well and asked such spot-on questions at just the right moments. While answering your questions, there were many moments where I found myself going "Oh," and gaining realisations—understanding things in real time.
Looking back at our conversation from May, I see that during a period of change and turmoil in my life—whether in work, love, or relationships—I met you, a wonderful guide.
Thanks to you, I gained strength and found the motivation to listen to my true feelings and move forward.
When I listened to the recording of our conversation that evening, I heard myself say to you, "Thank you for being in my life.”
Thank you again, truly.
p.s thank you for being my first guest.
Your Solecito✹